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Wednesday, 21 July 2010

  • a few hours later...

    That's all it was. A few meager hours. 

    I was willing to start doing this instead of fighting with Tyler at all, thinking that by not fighting with him, we would be able to communicate with each other better to re-conciliate and have a decent relationship. Did it work? 

    *Ladies and gentlemen! Who would like to place a wager on this tricky scenario?!*

    Nobody? Okay... I guess I'll just tell you, then. Of course it didn't fucking work. About three hours later, I found out that he's been lying to me. Not only that, but he's been lying to me and getting one of my best guy friends and the new chick "bff" of his to lie to me too. And, of course I can think of a million reasons why this must be my fault. I've gotten so used to doing that over the last nine months of him lying to me and cheating on me because he has never accepted full responsibility for his actions. I always end up blaming myself for situations in which he hurts me and makes me hate myself for being so cheap as to let a man cheat on and lie to me. This time, though, it's not my fault. He lied. Even if I did tell him that I didn't want him hanging out with her without me there, he fucked up big time by lying to me about doing it anyway. 

    Look, I get it now, okay? He's that guy. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Even if he's not currently cheating on me, he is lying to me. That could be the title of his biography when he dies: "Once a liar, always a liar."

    He's told me over and over again to trust him, but does this situation give me a very good incentive to do that? Hell no. 

    I have (once again) lost all of my trust in him. I don't think it's going to be nearly as easy to gain it back this time. :'(

    P.S. I also found messages on his phone of him flirting excessively and inappropriately with a girl who I've met once, but don't know at all. This is how things used to happen when he first started dating and cheating on me. 

    I can no longer say: "Yeah, but he doesn't lie to me anymore," and I refuse to say "yeah, but he doesn't cheat on me anymore," because of the fear of being humiliated if that statement is in jeopardy of being falsified. 

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

  • Tyler

    Tyler is my boyfriend. I have decided that I can no longer fight with him, therefore I am going to begin fighting with my blog about him. This should be interesting.

    He is irresponsible. Yeah, I know he's gotten better, but we're currently in the process of moving out and gaining complete independence from our parents, and yet, he still chooses to spend money frivolously. It pisses me off, and it's just unfair of him. Why should he get to go to concerts and Dag events when I can't even afford to get a haircut because I have to use all of my money for bills and rent? This is not okay.

    He doesn't allow me to disagree with something or say that I'm uncomfortable with a situation without forcing me to give him numerous reasons or pieces of evidence towards feeling that way. I am not okay with that because it causes a major communication error in our relationship, which is unhealthy and problematic. It is problematic in the sense that it causes us to fight with each other CONSTANTLY. Girls have very violent emotions sometimes, and fighting this way with the man who is supposed to be caring for me and doing everything he can to keep me satisfied with our relationship is very exhausting. (Emotionally as well as physically.) 

    As far as communication goes, we're pretty much just fucked. I've tried convincing him to talk to me like he talks to his friends since we first started dating. He isn't capable of doing that. In the past couple of weeks, he has sparked a friendship with one of my coworkers that I am extremely uncomfortable with. It's gotten to the point where he talks to her constantly until around five in the morning most nights. I hate it. I feel threatened by this girl who is pretty, nice, and better at talking to my boyfriend than I've managed to be after dating him for ten months. He says to trust him, and I do. I know that neither of them would do something as stupid as cheating on me. That isn't the point in this. I am supposedly what and who his world revolves around, but all of a sudden, there is a girl in the picture who has consumed all of his capacity for conversation. It's not okay, and it's happened so suddenly that I am intensely hurt by it. I feel as if I've been pushed aside.

    There is a similar emotion coursing through my neurons because of his best friend moving out of the state. His best friend is a sweet guy, who has good intentions, but influences Tyler to do things that I'm not okay with without telling me. He doesn't omit the information with malicious intent, but it's almost worse that way, because that means that I'm not important enough to take into consideration when I'm not around. This week is so hectic and important to me because of the rigmarole of moving out, that I need the support and attention of my boyfriend, but he is too busy focusing on his best friend and the new chick best friend to provide what I need. Or maybe he just doesn't realize that I need it. Who knows? Either way, I'm not getting what I need from him at all, and it hurts. 

    Like I said, I am not going to fight with him anymore. He is an adult, and his behaviors are out of my hands.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

  • Currently
    The End of the Alphabet
    By CS Richardson
    see related

    The One Who Loves You

    The one who loves you
    All year 'round
    You keep her happy,
    Safe and sound.

    There is none other-
    The fairest in the land;
    Nobody knows her need
    To take you by the hand.

    You do not love her.
    She often wonders why.
    It's broken her heart
    But you'll never see her cry.

    Not about that-
    It's locked inside
    And when you find the key
    She'll run from you and hide.

    By then it'll be too late.
    She'll hide behind the shame.
    Her love has been spread thin
    As if it were a game.

    She only ever wanted
    To give it all to you.
    Go read the timeless classics.
    This story's nothing new.

    The one who loves you
    Every single day;
    You didn't want her love
    So she gave it all away.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

  • Currently
    Build Me Up Buttercup
    By The Foundations
    see related

    My "Friendship" Research

    Disclaimer: I did not write any of this, it's just stuff I compiled from a simple "Platonic friendship" Google search.
     
    The Possibility of Platonic Friendship
    by Blake Roeber

    "We are totally just friends," you say. Well, perhaps. But perhaps not. Blake explains what a platonic friendship really means. After you read his article, you may want to revaluate your "just friendship."

    Lengthy Intro
    In this article I'm going to argue that Platonic friendship isn't possible. First I'm going to say what Platonic friendship is. Then I'm going to say why it's not possible.

    Prepare yourself.

    High-Speed Detour Into Abstraction
    What does "Platonic" mean?
    On the Platonic view of reality, two general types of things exist: Forms and Instances. The world we see, smell, taste, touch and hear is made up of Instances. Instances are embodied, material and exist within space and time. Anything that can be experienced via the five senses is an Instance.

    In contrast to Instances, we have Forms. Forms are disembodied, immaterial and located outside of space and time. Our five senses are useless for knowing the Forms, and anything we can gain knowledge of through our senses is, in virtue of this fact, not a Form.

    According to the Platonic view, ultimate reality is found in the Forms, not in their Instances, and Instances are what they are in virtue of their manifesting or instantiating certain Forms.

    "Platonic" applied to people
    On the Platonic view, you are not your body. Your body exists in space and time, in the world we can see, smell, taste, touch and hear. The real you — what we'll call your Soul — exists in the world of the Forms. Your body is therefore related to your Soul in much the same way as the chairs above are related to the Form CHAIR.

    "Platonic friendship," then?
    Platonic friendship, then, is any friendship that isn't mediated by physical bodies. It's friendship between Souls. It's friendship that's supposedly so deep that those involved aren't even aware of (or, at least, aren't at all concerned with) the trivial features of their respective bodies. In particular, it's friendship where those involved aren't at all concerned with their respective sex organs. It's as if the friends involved are asexual.

    "Platonic friendship" in use
    All this is pretty academic, so let's see what the term looks like in actual use. A quick Google search for "Platonic friendship" produced the following anecdotes. (Names have been changed, and details have been condensed.) Add them to your understanding of the term.

    After three months of marriage, Sharon noticed that her husband John was friendly with Martha, a girl he used to date. Sharon got jealous and confronted John. John responded that Sharon shouldn't have been jealous, since the friendship was strictly Platonic. Sharon wasn't jealous of John's friendship with Phil. For the same reasons, argued John, Sharon shouldn't have been jealous of his friendship with Martha.

    Pat got busted for having Lisa in his dorm room after 10 p.m. According to Pat, his relationship with Lisa was strictly Platonic, so he shouldn't have been in any more trouble for having Lisa in his room after 10 p.m. than he would have been in had Scott been in his room after 10 p.m.

    Becca's all confused about guys. She hasn't had an actual boyfriend in years, but, being a total tomboy, she's had nearly constant male companionship. The problem is, on almost every occasion, what she thought was a Platonic relationship turned into a huge mess. Either she found herself romantically interested in the guy, he found himself romantically interested in her, or both. In all cases, feelings got hurt and interaction became extremely awkward.

    Laurel wanted to go camping with Jerome. Laurel's dad told her she couldn't because Jerome is a guy. Laurel responded that the friendship was strictly Platonic, and that her dad should therefore not have been any more concerned about her going camping with Jerome than he should have been concerned about her going camping with Samantha."Platonic friendship:" A working definition
    Having analyzed the term "Platonic," and having noted a few examples of "Platonic friendship" in actual use, we can characterize Platonic friendships as friendships that manifest the following properties, which normally stand in tension with the other:

    The friendship exists between non-gay, non-celibate (but not necessarily sexually active) members of the opposite sex.
    The friendship is sexually safe, where "sexually safe" means that the friendship presents little risk of heartbreak, and little risk of spontaneous sexual contact resulting from unbridled passion.
    How could non-gay, non-celibate members of the opposite sex ever have a sexually safe friendship, we're wondering?

    Here's where the Platonism comes in — this is why the term "Platonic friendship" can't be properly appreciated without waxing philosophical: Perceived Platonic friendships are taken to be sexually safe because those involved in them think that they are friends with each other's Souls. They think they've gotten beyond their respective bodies, and that their sexes and sexual orientations have therefore become irrelevant to the relationship.

    Return from Abstraction: Betty and Bob
    So let's imagine two friends: a girl named Betty and a guy named Bob. Betty and Bob live in Colorado, and Bob's girlfriend lives in Milwaukee. Bob tells his girlfriend not to worry about Betty, since his friendship with Betty is strictly Platonic.

    What does Bob mean by this? Essentially, he's telling his girlfriend that, as a result of his highly admirable friendship with Betty's disembodied Soul, Betty's sex organs are irrelevant to the whole affair — as if Betty's a neuter.

    According to Bob, if Betty were a guy rather than a girl, nothing would be any different between the two of them, since this would just be a difference in Betty's body, which Bob doesn't even notice. In spite of the sexual compatibility between Betty and Bob, Bob's girlfriend has absolutely nothing to worry about, Bob claims.

    Well I've never met Betty or Bob, but I'm inclined to think that Bob's full of it.

    The Argument against Platonic Friendship
    The over-arching idea behind Platonic friendship is that it's possible to have a friendship with someone in which the sex of that person just doesn't matter.

    Because living human beings are embodied, however, friendships between living human beings will always be mediated by their bodies — bodies with sexual organs and all of the passions that come with them. But if this is the only way to have a friendship, then how could a friendship between non-gay, non-celibate members of the opposite sex ever be sexually safe?

    A guy and a girl could meet in a chat room, I suppose, never come into personal contact, never reveal themselves as male, female, and so on, and, in this way, form a sexually safe relationship between non-gay, non-celibate members of the opposite sex. But so what? As the anecdotes above reveal, the possibility of this kind of friendship isn't what anybody's worrying about.

    The point is, sex matters, and we're fooling ourselves if we think otherwise. It matters that I have one kind of sexual organ, and it matters that you have another. (And if this is making any of us blush, then I've proved my point.)

    All this isn't to say that non-gay, non-celibate members of the opposite sex can't be "just friends." They surely can. It's to say that being "just friends" takes a lot of caution. It takes care and a realistic appraisal of one's ability to avoid temptation. It also takes the humility to admit it when one's gotten oneself in over one's head.

    To say that Platonic friendship isn't possible is also to recognize that, even where a guy and a girl do exercise enough caution to be "just friends," the friendship they form will still be one between a guy and a girl, not one between two neuters.

    Down with Platonic friendship, then, and up with intelligent, cautious interaction between the sexes.

    The end.

    About the author
    Blake Roeber is a graduate student in philosophy at Northern Illinois University, but not for long. After completing his MA in the spring of '08, he'll start a PhD in philosophy at Rutgers.

    Copyright © 2007 Blake Roeber. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

    *****************************************************
    We are talking about a guy and a girl who never hooked up, ever. This is not about the premature stages of courting which starts in friendship. There are cases when a girl’s best friend happens to be a guy, or when a guy’s best friend happens to be a girl. Can a guy and a girl be friends and never hook up? Hmm… I do think it’s quite difficult to do but here are some thoughts to help you keep things in the friend zone. Appreciate the friendship you have. If you delve into romance, the two of you will never be the same towards each other. Only couples break up.

    Know the difference between a girl friend and a girlfriend. Don’t touch your friend inappropriately. An unintentional caress might stir up emotions which is associated to intimacy. Keep your hands to yourself and don’t mislead the other by being careless of your actions.

    Avoid situations which could lead you two into doing something you might regret later. Like getting drunk. Don’t test your friendship just for fun. Like all relationships, friendship should be founded on respect for each other.

    There are a lot of reasons why a guy and a girl should be just friends. A guy and a girl can learn a great deal from each other. Guys learn how to listen because girls love to girl talk and discuss things, while girls can get inside information how men think, or why men do this and that, the whole Men are from Mars, women are from Venus kind of thing.

    *****************************************************
    (Question)
    I believe that a man and woman can have a strictly platonic relationship despite the perceptions of the general society.

    Although some people say that the only way that this can be done is to have one of the people involved in the friendship be either gay or taken I do not believe this is so.

    From personal experience there is a guy that I am extremely good friends with and there is not an element of sexuality to our relationship. Some people insist that we are fooling ourselves however, I do not believe this.

    My question to you:

    Can platonic relationships exist?

    If ignorance is bliss... why arent there more happy people in this world?

    (Response)
    For seven or eight years I have been in a platonic relationship with a man I am very attracted to. Many people suspect he is gay -- I don't know. We go to the movies together, theatre, we just hang out...when I was sick he did my laundry -- folded my underwear! I have never brought up the subject of changing the relationship to him (though I have discussed it with others, chicken that I am!) Don't know if deep down I am commitment-phobic, or just scared that "something else" would make it cease to exist. I am grateful for this relationship, and would rather have it platonic than not at all.

    I don't know what this does to the theory. I think you are right, though.

    *****************************************************
    1. Determine how you feel about the person, and how they feel about you. Be honest with yourself.

    - Do you find yourself fantasizing about what a relationship would be like with them?

    - If you weren't in a relationship, if they were single, or if something else wasn't in the way, would you probably be romantically interested?

    - Do they seem to be romantically inclined towards you? Remember that actions speak louder than words. Trust your gut feeling.
    - Do you really believe that this person is better suited to you as a friend than as a romantic partner? Why? Your answer to this question is what makes all the difference, and what will keep the relationship platonic if and when boundaries ever become blurred.

    2. Define your relationship as a friendship from the start. In any relationship, cross-gender friendships included, communication is key. Presumptions can lead to broken friendships, misunderstandings, and other problems down the line. Egos aside, address why you both want to be just friends. There's a period in every opposite sex friendship that you question whether or not you should be more. Address it early on. Both of you must want a strictly platonic friendship and understand that's all it will ever be. No matter what anyone says, it is possible to be just friends as long as you have that understanding (and a commitment to the friendship as just that) from the start.

    3. Talk to your significant other. Ask your friend to talk to theirs. Any insecurities or trust issues within a relationship will be magnified by a cross-gender friendship, especially if the friend is obviously attractive. The opposite-sex friend can often become a scapegoat for relationship problems, and a repeated source of contention. Honesty is the best policy.

    - Acknowledge any borderline feelings from the start, and provide a reason for friendship that outweighs those feelings.

    "Yes, I do think she is physically attractive, because I'd be lying if I said I thought she was ugly. But I'm not friends with her because she's pretty; I'm friends with her because..."

    "Maybe he and I could've been compatible as a couple, but it doesn't matter. I met you first, and you and I fit together. I'm committed to making this work because I believe it's meant to be."

    - Tell your significant other what they have that your friend doesn't. The more you can think of, the better.

    "Sure, I can talk to Taylor about work and philosophy, but you're the only person I feel comfortable with talking about my dreams and regrets."

    "Mazi's really fun to hang out with, but big deal. A lot of people are fun to hang out with. You're fun to live with. Mazi is disgusting and a lazy slob around the house. I would never want to live with someone like that 'cause I'm a neat freak, and you know that."

    - Remind your significant other that you're committed to the relationship, and why.

    4. Involve the significant other(s). You should make an honest attempt to befriend their significant other and include yours. Coordinate get-togethers that you all can enjoy as a group. Include your significant other in outings with your friend. Jealousy is much less likely to be an issue if your significant other can get to know your friend. It's going to take time, especially if they don't believe in platonic friendships. Likewise, even if you don't like their significant other, understand there might be a little doubt and jealousy over the friendship. Find out what they like to do and suggest an outing for just the two of you. By becoming a friend to the couple, the doubts and jealousy usually vanish in time.

    5. Minimize sexual tension. Don't be "touchy feely" with your friend, even if you consider yourself to be a naturally affectionate person, and especially if either of you are in a romantic relationship with someone else. Sure, it's possible to make physical contact without inciting sexual attraction, but hormones can play tricks on us. Don't give those hormones a chance to confuse your status as friends. Limit hugs and physical contact to the same amount you share with a sibling or a co-worker, depending on what you feel is appropriate, and what you think your significant other (or theirs) would feel comfortable with. If you find the need to hug and touch them more, then maybe you're not just friends.

    6. Prevent borderline situations. Don't give people a reason to think you're more than just friends. Having a night out together is fine, but don't bring your friend into social scenarios where everyone else has a date. That is called dating, not friendship. You wouldn't ask your same sex friend to accompany you to your sister's wedding, so don't ask your opposite sex friend! If you are going somewhere that might appear romantic (e.g. a movie or a fancy restaurant) but you do not want it to appear that way, invite another friend of the same sex. Even then, people may insinuate that you are more than friends; be prepared for those suggestions, and think of how you can deny them gracefully.

    7. Reduce contact or end the friendship if the boundaries can't be clarified or upheld. If your friend is attracted to you as more than a friend and can't seem to put that attraction aside, it's probably best to take the friendship down a notch. Keep contact casual, conversations short, and get-togethers brief. If the friend continues to press for a romantic relationship when you've made it clear that you don't want one, if they constantly trash talk your significant other (without good reason), or if they let their own significant other demean you, then perhaps the friendship isn't worth keeping, and this person should just be more of a friendly acquaintance.

    *****************************************************
    1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

    2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

    3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

    4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

    5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

    6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

    7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

    8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

    9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

    10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

    11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

    12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

    13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?

    14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I ***** adore you.

    15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an ***** in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

    16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

    *****************************************************
    Do's and Don'ts of Cultivating and Maintaining a Platonic Friendship with a Woman You Would Otherwise Want To Have a Relationship With and Quite Possibly Marry.

    - DO play and replay scenarios in your mind where you come out and declare your true feelings to her, whereupon you proceed directly to frenzied yet sensitive, passionate, and completely fulfilling love-making.
    - DO NOT actually attempt this.

    - DO rehearse elaborate and impassioned declarations of your love
    - DO NOT ever let anyone hear you doing this.
    - DO NOT ever actually give her the speech. (Instead, drop little, enigmatic, self-deprecating hints to her, and then agonize over why she does not pick up on them.)

    - DO listen to all her problems with men:
    No matter how many times you have heard her make these same mistakes (with other men), DO NOT get so entranced by her soft, full lips that you lean forward and kiss her. (Fantasize about it instead.)
    - DO feel the knife twisting and your insides tearing up as you listen to this
    - DO develop a gnawing enviousness that grows into an insane jealousy

    - DO commiserate with your close guy friends. See who can come up with the most heinously painful story about "The Treatment." Shudder in unison.

    - DO NOT confide in any of your female friends, because:
    1. They won't understand.
    2. They've done it themselves. In fact, they enjoy doing it.
    3. They'll think you are talking about them.
    4. They are obligated to pass on their knowledge to the Psychological Warfare Division of the Sisterhood to Destroy All Men.

    - DO get drunk and maudlin about her
    - DO NOT get drunk and confront her

    If you do reveal your true feelings to her while drunk or in an otherwise abnormal or altered state of mind (incl. unwarranted happiness, ridiculously deep depression, brain fever, etc.), DO deny and disavow all statements the next day.

    - DO say how it would be such a big mistake if you were to get together with her.
    - DO joke about it afterwards.
    - DO NOT cry, break down, and admit that you have been carrying a torch for her for ___ weeks/months/years/aeons.
    - DO NOT consciously avoid her for the next two weeks (avoid her unconsciously).

    - DO curse yourself for being a miserable, spineless, pathetic, emotionally-stunted fool.
    - DO promise that you will change, that things will be different.
    - DO NOT actually change.

    - DO agonize about whether to sign letters to her "love" or "your friend"
    - DO NOT pretend you are kissing her when you lick the envelope.

    - DO vacillate between fearing that she will discover how you feel about her and hoping that she does.
    - DO seek out opportunities to hug, air/cheek kiss, and give/receive back rubs
    - DO NOT let things get out of hand (if this should happen, apologize profusely and disavow everything)

    - DO become trapped in a shallow, meaningless, lifeless relationship.
    - DO NOT actually seek out a secure, quality, lasting relationship, as this would interfere with your fantasizing about her
    - DO complain bitterly about this awful relationship to all your friends and to her.
    - DO create a web page that is vague enough to be relevant to the masses, yet specific enough so that the one, special platonic friend you've been carrying a torch for reads it, comes to her senses, and fulfills Fantasy #4

    ****************************************************

Sunday, 14 December 2008

  • Currently
    One Headlight
    By The Wallflowers
    One Headlight
    see related

    May 12, 2008

    My hands are a bright red. It's almost a beautiful color; what a shame that it's a result of my feeble attempt at beating my way through the brick wall in front of me. If only my hands can make their way through this wall, everything will be right again. Maybe someone inside will hear me and they'll come help me. Maybe they'll hear a slight tapping on the wall next to them and curiosity will prompt them to move a little closer, to listen a little harder. Then I'm sure they would hear my (now hoarse) cries of desperation. Why isn't anyone rushing out here to find me, hold me, tell me it's not true? Why, oh God, why did I have to find out in such insensitive, disrespectful words? Why couldn't my very best friend, the person I love more than anyone else tell me himself? These people didn't know him. They don't care. I care. So much, in fact, that I've nearly worn myself out to the point of just slipping into unconsciousness right here on this hard, cold ground. I'm crumbling within myself, and nobody is coming to save me. Everything around me is falling apart, except for this brick wall...

Gamine19

  • Visit Gamine19's Xanga Site
    • Name: Bryanna
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    • Birthday: 4/19/1992
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 11/14/2008

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